Rian Nickels
Jul 11, 2025
Just Look Up and Let Go
“Every good story needs an intro, so where does this one start? No veils, no curtains, no doors, no walls between what pours out of my hand on to the page, a dream, of course, an American tale of finding magic in the everyday, and acting totally instinctively, a suitcase and a train track on a search for identity, and a quality that entices attention, we’re young and incredibly ambitious, our possibilities are endless, just look up” - Mod Sun
In the summer of 2014, I walked into my skate buddy’s apartment and saw a man on TV that I can only describe as hippy Jesus. He was in a room of lava lamps and beaming with joy. His energy demanded my attention, and his happy-go-lucky vibe was infectious. He was moving like life never hurt him. The music video was 'My Hippy' by Mod Sun. What started as any other summer afternoon ended up changing the way I viewed life.
Growing up, I listened to a lot of emo and post-hardcore; bands like Silverstein and Hawthorne Heights shaped the way I looked at things. As a teenager, I romanticized sadness. Music about self-harm, self-hate, and toxic love didn’t just soundtrack my life; it started to define it. Those lyrics told me it was normal to feel broken, to treat myself poorly, and to accept the kind of love that left scars. I became fluent in hopelessness and comforted by the idea that it would never get better. But one musician changed everything.
So, who is Mod Sun? Well, to the government, his name is Derek Ryan Smith (he changed it to Dylan). However, to his friends and fans, he goes by the nickname Mod. MODSUN is an acronym that he created that stands for “Movement On Dreams Stand Under None”. This means pushing towards your biggest dreams, not letting anyone stand in your way, and never letting anyone overshadow you.
I fell headfirst into Mod Sun’s world. His lyrics weren’t about heartbreak or giving up; they were about being glad to be alive. (That on its own was so foreign to me.) His music introduced me to positive thinking, setting intention, and the idea that your thoughts shape your reality. In 2015, Mod released his first studio album, Look Up, and suddenly the spaces in my head that once echoed lyrics like “cut my wrists and black my eyes” were being replaced with “if you woke up, you got a reason to celebrate.” But I wasn’t abandoning my sad girl roots; I just wasn’t stuck in it anymore. The new music didn’t erase my sadness, but it helped me realize I didn’t have to be defined by it.
This new outlook didn’t stay confined to my headphones. It seeped into my day-to-day; how I spoke, how I carried myself, and how I connected to others. When summer of 2015 came around, it only made sense that the next chapter to this transformation would happen in the same place it started. A place where the new and old could collide: Warped Tour.
There’s something poetic about going back to the scene of your former self. It’s the same music festival, the same heat, and the same eyeliner, but with a new perspective. Warped Tour wasn’t just a concert, but a nod to the person I was becoming. I spent the day reliving my emo roots, but I was really there to see Mod in the flesh. The crowd wasn’t the largest, but you wouldn’t have known it by his energy. When he performed 'Howlin’ at the Moon', a song about having gratitude, the entirety of the crowd knew every word. This brought him to tears; he could see that what he was doing mattered to people. They liked this new sound, but they enjoyed seeing someone savor every drop of life even more. On my way out of Warped, I gave Mod a bracelet that read “Sup My Hippy,” and he signed the book I bought from his merch table.
His book, Did I Ever Wake Up? looks like a memoir, but it turns out to be a handbook for self-perseverance—something between a diary and a mental toolkit. The book covers his upbringing and music career, but it also shares overlapping messages with his music. The idea is that you must know what you want and be sure that you can obtain it. This made me realize that I didn’t really know what I wanted from life. But what I did know was that I didn’t want to be the person who brought the rainclouds to every room. I wanted to be a light for the ones who were lost in the same kind of darkness that I had once claimed as my identity.
After setting that intention, things already began to shift; even small things that I didn’t realize held so much weight. I started wearing things that just made me feel happy instead of trying to be a particular aesthetic.
I picked up art again. I got his signature tattooed to remind me to keep going. I stopped seeing pain as something I owed myself. I realized that my body wasn’t a canvas for punishment or a notebook for all the things I couldn’t say. I didn’t stop being sad overnight, but I no longer built my entire life around it.
I stopped looking down at all the ways things could end and started to look up at the possibilities. I shared these ideas with anyone who would listen, and I lent out Mod’s book to whoever would read it. I talked about gratitude, intention, and the law of attraction. It started to catch on; my friends began to show more compassion, let go of bitterness, and embrace possibility. What started as a personal awakening began to ripple through my community.
In the spring of 2016, Mod Sun had a tour stop near me in New Orleans. Some friends and I took the drive to see him perform. When Mod got to the venue, he didn’t hide away like most well-known musicians. He stood out front and talked with each person who wanted to.
When it was showtime, he didn’t take a special door through the back but instead walked through the front like everyone else. They always say not to meet your heroes, but after meeting him, I was stunned at how normal it felt. There was no barrier, no ego, or celebrity attitude. He was human. He treated us like old friends, laughed with us, danced with us during the opener, and radiated the same energy on and off the stage.
Life has a way of putting what you’ve learned to the test, though. The months after that show brought some of the darkest points of my life. I lost some friends to addiction and depression. Somewhere within the mess, I’d lost myself too. I left all the tools I learned behind when I needed them the most. I was dealing with the weight of things I never had to carry before, and Mod’s relentless positivity became a language I was no longer fluent in.
That was until Spring of 2017 when he released his second album, Movie. After months of being distant from him, this project dragged me back in. Movie wasn’t just party anthems and affirmations; it was about heartbreak, self-blame, fake friends, and the messy parts of healing. This album met me right where I was. It showed me that Mod wasn't some out-of-touch optimist that was blind to the bad; he walked through it, too. It showed me that his life wasn’t perfect, that he, like anyone else, had dealt with insecurity, loss, and adversity. This album gave me a song for everything I was going through. Even when things got heavy, Mod Sun was there to remind me to keep pushing. Regardless of the trauma, mistakes, or loss, you still have to get back up and make something of yourself. I was reminded that growth doesn't mean avoiding pain. There is no light without darkness.
By the end of 2017, Mod Sun released his third album, BB, and it came with a renewed sense of joy. It echoed that same optimism from Look Up, but now it came from someone who was more grounded. It came from someone who had seen the dark and chose the light anyway. BB reminded me that life comes with highs and lows, and that after each low, there will always be a high, even if it takes a while to come.
In the years after Mod Sun dabbled in other creative outlets like painting, making clothes, and writing more books. But in 2019, he did something lifesaving; he decided to get sober. He came clean about his battle with addiction and how it had affected his life and the people around him. He was transparent, and he apologized. Before this, I had never seen anyone successfully get sober, and more importantly, I had never really seen anyone own their mistakes, take accountability for them, and follow that up with action. I had watched so many people lose themselves in addiction, and this was the push I needed to take my own steps in that direction. So, I tattooed the words “Look Up” on my foot; it serves as a permanent reminder, and I haven’t touched those substances since.
Around the pandemic, Mod Sun’s sound started to shift from his signature Hippy Hop to a more angst-driven Alternative Rock vibe with albums like Internet Killed The Rockstar and God Save The Teen. Nowadays, Mod has blended the sounds of Hip-Hop and Pop-Punk, bouncing around all the avenues he’s taken and still exploring new ones.
My playlists bounce between genres and moods these days, but Mod’s impact on me never faded. I like to think that Mod and I both found a way to appreciate the balance of life. To hold space for the dark and the light. To carry both joy and grief. To dance with the highs and sit with the lows. To know that you can wear tie-dye one day and all black the next. That sadness and happiness don’t cancel each other out but instead coexist. That growth isn’t about being brand-new. It’s about fully accepting yourself in every season of life. That healing doesn’t mean erasing the past; it means making something out of it.
Because of Mod Sun, I’ve done things I never thought I’d be capable of. I’ve finished things I used to abandon. I’ve started projects that scared me, I’ve chased dreams that felt too big and believed that I was allowed to yearn for more. He helped me believe that I was allowed to have big dreams and that, more importantly, I could reach them. His lyrics planted the seed that I wasn’t just meant to survive, I was meant to build a life worth showing up for. He didn’t just help me get better; he showed me that I could save myself.
Not everyone vibes with his music or his message. Some people think he’s cringeworthy, or they can’t look past his mistakes. No matter how he’s perceived, it doesn’t undo the impact he’s made. Mod Sun is living proof of the power of believing in yourself. He showed a bunch of broken people that they didn’t have to stay broken. He showed us the path less traveled, and reminded us to keep traveling it.
If you take anything from this, let it be this: What you say to yourself holds power. Show yourself some love because you’re still here, waking up every single day. Still building who you’re meant to be. Permit yourself to dream bigger. Remember that your impact on the world matters. Do something that inspires people. Find something to celebrate in each day. Make your life a movie. Don’t forget to look up.
“No matter the amount of negativity you’re presented with, five minutes from now could be your best moment.” - Mod Sun
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