What the Hell Did I Just Watch: Sharktopus vs Whalewolf

Rating: 2 out of 5 aging MLB players whose career is tanking

Welcome to the movie that tanked Casper Van Dien’s acting career! Ha ha, just kidding. His career was over not too long after he did Starship Troopers in 1997. With that said, if you’ve hung around the B-movie scene for any amount of time, you’ve probably heard of the Sharktopus movies. So what the hell is Sharktopus? It’s a genetically altered shark with the upper torso of a Great White and the lower torso of an octopus. Yes, it is a shark with tentacles. Got your attention? Sounds pretty cool, right? And it is, or it was—right up until Sharktopus vs Whalewolf. 

Sharktopus vs Whalewolf (2015) is the third installment of the Sharktopus film series and is the second sequel. It was directed by Kevin O’Neill, who only has a short six titles to his directing credit—none of which you’ve probably seen, unless you watched Dinoshark (2010) or Sharktopus vs Pteracuda (2014); he did, however, work on visual effects for Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992), Blade (1998), and Piranha 3D (2010). Sharktopus vs Whalewolf stars Casper Van Dien (Starship Troopers, Alita: Battle Angel), Catherine Oxenberg (Dynasty, The Lair of the White Worm), Andrew E. Tilles (visual effects for Surrogates and Fast Five), and Akari Endo (Cristo Rey). 

The plot is pretty basic and picks up where Sharktopus (2010) and Sharktopus vs. Pteracuda (2014) left off: Somewhere in the Caribbean at an anti-aging clinic, a psychotic genetic scientist named Dr. Elsa Reinhardt (Oxenberg) mixes the genes of a killer whale and a grey wolf, because, well, we’ve all been curious, haven’t we? In an experimental process, she then inserts the genetic mix into Felix Rosa (Tilles), an aging, disgraced Major League Baseball player whose career is tanking; Rosa hopes the experiment will be a success and that his talent will be restored, but the experiment goes awry. Rosa turns into an unstable werewolf creature and in order to stabilize the wolf in him, Dr. Reinhardt adds Orca DNA and boom! We have a whalewolf—moreover, we have a whalewolf who now threatens Sharktopus’s territory. Things get a little out of hand when Sharktopus and Whalewolf meet … and fight. 

Sounds like the plot of your typical monster movie, right? Yeah, that’s because it is. There is a little sub-plot though, but it makes absolutely no sense at all. Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf opens with a funeral taking place on a boat for a burial at sea. The funeral is interrupted almost immediately with an attack from Sharktopus. As a result, a woman goes missing and, long story short, local police chief Nita Morales (Endo) throws Captain Ray (Dien) in jail. A local voodoo priest bails Ray out of jail and wants him to fetch the heart of Sharktopus to use in a ceremony as payment for this debt. Meanwhile, Inspector Nita Morales is trying to figure out what is going on with all the killings and whalewolf sightings; she thinks people have gone nuts until she sees the insanity for herself. 

The movie ends with a less-than-climatic battle between the two sea titans. Who wins?

Really? Like I’m going to give that away in a review. You’ll have to watch for yourself to see who comes out on top in this borefest. My advice is to just skip to the end and watch the final battle. You won’t be missing anything, I promise. 

There were a few comedic scenes that made me chuckle, but the comedy falls flat and encourages several eye rolls, not in a good way. Sharktopus vs Whalewolf has its moments but is ultimately a giant flop, especially in the face of its Sharktopus predecessors.

Let’s talk about the effects. The CGI in Sharktopus vs Whalewolf is pretty bad, which is kind of to be expected in a SyFy Original movie but is still a little shocking, given that the effects in both Sharktopus and Sharktopus vs Whalewolf were pretty decent--also given the fact that its director is the founder of a special effects production company called Flat Earth Productions. Here, the filmmakers didn’t even try to make their effects look real or even hide the fact they are using CGI. It’s almost like they are proud of what a crap job they did; instead of any really fun effects, we’re given pure CGI involving a ton of CGI blood spatter that honestly couldn’t look more fake if it tried. At least go for real-looking blood, balance out the visuals a bit. It made me long for the days when actors dressed up in rubber suits to play the monsters. Now, if we could get a Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf remake with people in rubber suits fighting (and starring Will Ferrell), I’d watch that. I’d also be good with Simon Pegg or Rainn Wilson in the starring role. Any takers out there who want to start working on a script?

All in all, Zeke gives this movie 2 out of 5 aging MLB players whose career is tanking. 

Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf is currently streaming on Tubi, Crackle, Fubo, Freevee, and Amazon Prime and Video On Demand.

Ezekiel Kincaid lives for horror and loves to watch it, write about it, and talk about it, whether that be in his own novels or in reviews. His experience as both a pastor and a paranormal investigator bring everything he writes to life.